You Are Not Alone!

 

Hey y'all! 

You've made it back to my blog! I appreciate you! I am Sarah, for you new readers! My husband Dereck and I have been dealing with infertility for 6 years now. This is a blog about my journey through infertility. I hope you can find a place here, even if you are reading for someone else in your life dealing with the battle of infertility. 

        I have a serious question to begin with this evening, how often have you felt alone in your struggles with infertility? Or maybe not even that! Maybe, you are someone who has stumbled on this blog accidentally, or you were curious and you don't struggle with infertility. The question for you then is, have you ever felt totally alone in a particular struggle? 

So, if any of you know me, and I mean REALLY know me, which is not many people. I am a very private person. I mean, we are talking like bank vault private. Maybe like a... safe with a combo padlock on it? I don't know... something private. My whole life, I have convinced myself, "Why bother? It's not like the people around me actually care about me. They don't even know me. They care only about themselves and they will somehow find a way to turn this back to them." So my entire journey through infertility, until the last year, has been lived completely in the dark. I remember getting so dark some days in my self-loathing thoughts, that I just sought out things to be bitter about so I could have an excuse for the way I was feeling and acting. 

Anyone else ever feel that? No matter what you do, you're just angry. Angry that no one around you gets it, angry that everyone seems to have children, and angry no one seems to care that you are the one feeling awkward at gatherings being the only woman who isn't a mom. 

Y'all, I did the best I could to bottle those feelings up, and just let myself be angry and bitter towards God for 5 long years. I remember some nights just screaming up at God, crying the hardest I have ever cried in my life, on my knees telling Him that He is the one who has done this to me! How could He? I have dedicated my life to Him! I have lived as a faithful Christian my whole life, and now, the one time I really ask you for something, you don't deliver? (More to come on this part of my story!) 

When I tell you... this last year when I decided enough is enough, things started changing for me. I finally told God, I have to have Him help me now. I can't do this alone anymore. It was literally killing me from the inside out. My pain started turning into what I now see as a gift from God. Sound strange? Well, once I handed my pain over to God.... finally.... He began to heal me. 

Have you ever felt alone? Who do you have to talk to? Who do you trust to share your story with? I am here in this space for people to chat with me or chat with each other! 

God doesn't call us to live life alone, y'all. In the midst of pain, when we don't feel like we want anyone around, is when we need support and more importantly, a loving God to swoop in to save us. 

❤Never Alone❤

Deuteronomy 31:8 - "The LORD Himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."