Sometimes I am Just Angry!

 Y'all, 

These last few days here lately, I have just been angry. Ever felt that way? Like, the anger about something you can't change just comes out of nowhere. I find I get the most angry about things I can't control. Does that feel like something you struggle with? Anger will sneak in, and I feel like I have to constantly remind myself to give it to God. I have to remind myself to set it at the foot of the cross, give it to Jesus, and let Him hold my anger and carry my burdens. 

As I was at Bible Study recently, I was reminded by someone that, although we may pray about something and find ourselves releasing it and giving it to God, we walk right back a little bit later, and pick it right back up again. UGH! I hate when I do this. Like... it clearly says in 1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for us." Peter wasn't lying when he told us, hey! Jesus can handle your problems. No matter how angry you are, give it to Him. Speak to Him about your anger, you aren't going to give Him more than he can take. He loves me, He wants to see me succeed, and He wants what is best for me. He hurts when I am hurting, and is sad when I am sad. Remembering this in the moment though, is so incredibly hard. Remembering that He does care and see me when I am feeling bitter about someone else having children, and I am still sitting here waiting to be chosen as an adoptive mother. Someone who has been trying for years to have kids with no answers, while Satan likes to try to make it seem like everyone else around me has kids and is super happy. 

Here lately, I just recently started re-reading Habakkuk and doing a daily devotional on it. I am telling you right now, this book was directed to me for a reason, and it is exactly what I needed. In this season of waiting, just like Habakkuk, I have had questions. "Why does God not hear me?", "Why is He making me wait so long to answer my prayers?" But recently as I read Habakkuk 3:17-19 really stuck out to me. I am going to sum it up by saying.... "even though things are happening the way I am wanting, I am believing God is going to do amazing things and He is an incredible God!" 

A lot of the time still I know that I sound like Habakkuk in these verses,

Habakkuk 1:2 says "God how long do I have to cry out for help before you listen? How many times do I have to yell, "Help! Murder! Police!" before you come to my rescue? Why do you force me to look at evil, stare trouble in the face day after day? Anarchy, and violence break out, quarrels and fights all over the place. Law and order fall to pieces. Justice is a joke. The wicked have the righteous hamstrung and stand justice on its head." 

Ever felt like you were praying these types of prayers? I know here recently, this has been me. I have been angry, and sometimes letting my anger take hold of my day. I am tired of waiting for my baby to finally come. I am tired of longing to be a mom, and nothing happening. However, if you are struggling with the weight of waiting ;), I encourage you too to get in your Bible, or if you have the Bible app, give Habakkuk a read. For those who don't really like reading much, it's only 3 chapters long. :) In a hard season? Feel like God doesn't care or that He doesn't hear you? You don't need to feel God in order to believe He is there, working and caring about you. God is far more than just a feeling! He will give you what you need in the hard seasons and in the waiting!! 

Habakkuk 3:18 - "YET, I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior." 

Infertility with a Purpose! 

Sarah